It can be a strange feeling when suddenly, or expected in some cases we end up living alone after losing our spouse or partner. This can be at any age young or old. When this happens in the mature years, it can be more difficult to stay social other than with family and if lucky some very close friends, because not everyone has friendships that last, and not everyone has family.
Losing a partner is one of life’s most difficult and upsetting experiences. The sudden silence can be deafening and realising that you are the only one in the home can be frightening to some people.
It’s Okay Not to Be Okay
In the early days of being alone it is perfectly normal and alright to feel ‘not okay.’ Grief does not have a start and finish time, everyone is different and everyone handles this in their own way.
For example one minute you can feel brighter, and in a heart beat become overwhelmed with sadness. In those early days, it may seem you will never feel any better, but with time you will begin to accept and realise that life carries on.
Routines Change
The normal routine you had for years with your partner will change because there will be just yourself to consider for many things, such as when to have dinner, when to get up, what tv shows to watch. Most of these things were done together but now it is whatever and whenever you feel like it. Staying focused is important, eating healthy and moderate exercise can help you to cope with the grieving process.
Keeping Social
Once you feel you can start going out and about, think about things that interest you. It could be an exercise or dance class, a walking club or other outdoor activities. Making enquiries and finding out about these types of interests is a start to making new friends and even meeting up again with old friends.
In most over fifties environments there are the good old coffee mornings, and many people attend these. Coffee mornings are a great way to meet new people and get involved with other things attached to them.
Keep Learning
There is a true saying ‘you are never too old to learn.’ The world is full of exciting things to learn and explore. There are mountains of ‘how to’ tutorials online on YouTube and learning platforms like Udemy where there are hundreds of free courses. There is so much out there to captivate people because we all have our own unique interests. And, we matured like fine wine people can learn about all the tech stuff as well as the younger generations! How great would that be telling the grandkids we set up our own laptop with security, and other apps!
Volunteer
When feeling like you can, and more importantly if you want to, there are charity shops and the hospice that are grateful for any help from volunteers. Volunteers are the very heart and soul of any charitable organisation. The army of volunteers can make a difference to a shop being able to keep running, and to give the medical staff extra support for patients in the hospice or hospital. Being a volunteer can make you feel as if you are doing something helpful for someone or something, what a great feeling that is.
Accepting Invitations
When getting invited out for a coffee, for a walk or other event, say yes rather than no and see how it all goes. If you don’t go, how will you know if that time in the company of someone or others was a good move that you enjoyed. Say yes more often, it’s like a tonic being with other people, and in a different environment rather than at home.
A Final Thought
Losing a partner is painful, and leaves a big empty space in the heart. All the memories of the good times with laughter and joy. There could have been troubled times that you both shared, shouldered together and got through. These are your memories to keep close to your heart forever.
Stepping out to be social is not about replacing anyone, it is about filling that void, to bring some comfort and joy back into your life. Allow yourself to smile again, and to create new memories to sit alongside the memories you already have, this is the beginning of the next chapter of your own unique story.